Casamigos Tequila Reposado

85 SCORE

“Oh my lord. Please dear god, let this vanilla syrup taste exactly as the sweat off George Clooney’s balls. Because that would make two things I want to lap up every weekend. Gotta be honest here though, that price is where I either be cheap and kill myself with J. Cuervo Gold that night or I act like a king in my castle and max out my credit cards with this sexy little bottle. Ever get turned on by the smell of vanilla, outside of course when aunt Sandra had that perfume? Pop the top off to this baby and you’ll be in dream land. Please let me lick your balls, George. ”

Jose Cuervo Especial Reposado

63 SCORE

“Ya know sometimes, you’re most loyal, overall favorite thing can still be considered a piece of crap. I will joyously admit that my pride in shamelessly enjoying a J. Cuervo Gold Is nothing but embarrassment. After a long tough day, nothing can come close to reminding me about how much closer to a painful death I am than when that first out-of-the-bottle shot hits my lips. Why even bother smell it? I know exactly how it smells because I left wet quinoa out for 6 months and this probably smells similar to that. I will always have a special place in my heart for this monster. Call me Dr. Frankenstein. ”